Week one - Getting to know yourself - Day 7

Forgiveness

Prayer to the Holy Spirit 

O Holy Spirit, inspire me. God’s love, engulf me. Holy Mary, my Mother, guide me in the right ways, look at me, and together with Jesus, bless me. Keep me from all evil, from all delusions and all threats. Mary, The Spouse of the Holy Spirit, obtain for me the grace of getting to know myself, repenting, and forgiving. Amen!

The Word of God 

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.  When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all D 7 111 that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt.  So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Matt 18:23‒35).

Meditation 

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” These are the words of Our Father prayer that Jesus taught us, and that is one of the best-known Christian prayers. In this prayer, we ask God so that He forgives us our sins and helps us avoid temptation. But what does “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” mean? What is forgiveness, and how can we practice it in our daily lives?

Forgiveness is an important subject, both for our spiritual and emotional well-being. It’s accepting the fact that someone hurt us and forgiving and relinquishing resentment and anger. It may be challenging, especially when someone hurts us very deeply, but forgiveness is a key element in a life of faith. Forgiving means letting go of resentment and anger towards someone who hurt us. It’s a decision to withdraw from further suffering and brooding over that fact. Forgiveness is a process that may last long and requires some effort depending on how we were hurt and how we work together with God’s grace. Through forgiveness, we may start building a better and healthier relationship with God, ourselves, and others. Forgiveness is also a key to set free from the burden of pain and grudges from the past. It may be difficult, but forgiving others helps us let go of the weight of anger and rage that can hurt us and sour our relationships. Forgiving others also allows us to set free from the influence that challenging situations from the past can have on our emotions.

Sometimes, we think we are not able to forgive. Our feelings may be so strong that it is hard to relinquish resentment and anger. We may feel hurt and deceived, and forgiveness may seem impossible. At this point, we need to go to the very source. The source of forgiveness is the Heart of Jesus who says from the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). In fact, if we knew how we hurt God, others and ourselves, we wouldn’t have committed sins. A first step on the path of forgiveness is to ask the Holy Spirit to remind me how much God has forgiven me. Then, I can forgive like I was forgiven as it is said: “Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little” (Lk 7:47). I forgive only because Christ has forgiven me first. I don’t love only with my human, imperfect love, but I let Jesus’ love flow through my heart. It becomes a channel for grace. A necessity to forgive results from acknowledging two things: human sinfulness and God’s love, which is greater than human sin. Selfishness is the disease that leads us to think only about ourselves, to strive for survival and to protect ourselves, even if we would have to attack somebody. Understanding this disease allows you to learn the true state of your soul. The history of salvation is the history of God, who forgives a sinful man. God, who is love, cannot respond differently to people acknowledging the truth about their sins because God has a penchant for truth.

Understanding the key role of forgiveness in our lives, as well as the reason why so much depends on it, allows us to learn about another space where God invites us to overcome ourselves. The need for forgiveness shows us the truth about ourselves—we cannot love, and thus, we hurt each other. Our deficiency in showing love exposes our selfishness. Egoists love only themselves, their point of view, their ideas about various situations—and this is hurtful. In some situations, other people hurt our feelings, but we also hurt others. Because these wounds are painful, we need D 7 113 forgiveness. Throughout our lives, we will be prone to hurtful situations because they are everywhere where there are human relationships, so we must comprehend this subject well and live according to what God says. In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus says: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you;  but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt 6:14‒15). This is a clear order to forgive others like God has forgiven us.

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting about the harm; it doesn’t mean denying the facts or negating evil. Also, it is not about pretending that nothing happened. Sometimes people say that they feel they cannot forgive, yet forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision of the will that one makes despite the feelings. It’s better to ask such a person: Do you want good for this person? Are you able to pray so that God blesses this person? If so, you can forgive.

Finally, forgiveness is our show of faith in God, who is love. By forgiving others, we demonstrate that we trust God and His ability to change hearts and rebuild relationships. Forgiveness is also an act of love towards others—it allows them to get freedom and deliverance from the burden of sin. Forgiveness is a gift because it frees us from pain and resentments from the past. When we forgive others, we are free from the burden of anger and rage that can hurt us and contaminate our relationships. By forgiving, we don’t let our past negatively affect our lives. We open up for peace and joy.

Forgiveness is directly related to the struggle against selfishness because it tears us away from focusing on ourselves. Egoism makes us concentrate on ourselves and our needs, which may lead to shutting down in our wounds and a lack of openness to others, especially to God.

Sometimes, it may also happen that it is hard to forgive oneself. We continuously accuse ourselves; we have a grudge against ourselves and we wonder how we could have behaved in such 114 WEEK ONE: GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF a way. We are like Peter the Apostle meeting resurrected Christ. Our Lord forgave Peter for the sin of betrayal. God knows how great the burden of accusation that we carry is, and when He forgives us, He also wants us to forgive ourselves as well because He forgave us.

Forgiving is about my heart—about not letting the grief destroy me internally. Another thing is reconciliation, which concerns relationships. Forgiveness concerns more what is happening within me, reconciliation relates to what is happening in the relationship. Sometimes forgiveness becomes a fact, but reconciliation is not yet possible. Therefore, we need persistent prayer so that God can finish this process with His grace.

Mary’s forgiveness: While Christ suffers during His Passion, the Way of the Cross, and His death, Mary looks at all the evil that touched her beloved Son. Looking at all this evil, she unifies with her Son’s call: “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). In the person of John, she receives in her heart all the lost and confused in the face of enormous amount of evil and suffering—her heart becomes home.

Spiritual struggle: what does it consist in? With God’s help, forgive all the evil, don’t brood over it and focus on it. Read the scheme of the prayer of forgiveness and recompense. Plan your day to find some time for this prayer at home or before the Blessed Sacrament. You may use this prayer for a few days.

The prayer of forgiveness and recompense

Mary, the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, please, carry my heart and take this prayer to the Heart of Jesus.

Worshiping God the Father for the gift of my life and the people I met

At the beginning, I will thank God the Father from the bottom of my heart for my life, for my being, for the fact that He D 7 115 wanted me to exist and that He gave His life for me, for my sins. I will thank for giving me His Mother, Mary, for loving me and for the fact that I will live eternally. My life, my eternity, is His gift for me. I have met many people in my life so far. I will thank God the Father for each of them. At first, for my parents, then for my relatives, friends, and all the people God put in the path of my life.

Asking the Holy Spirit for the light so I can see my life in truth 

I will ask the Holy Spirit for the light so that He helps me see everything I experienced in life as God sees it. Both difficult situations that were caused by all kinds of events and other people, as well as those situations where I hurt somebody because I didn’t act with love. I can write down everything that the Holy Spirit will show me. I will stay focused in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit and Our Lady incessantly for a gift of seeing the truth, getting deep into my heart, into the book of my life.

Immersing all the people and situations I recognized at the prayer into the Blood of Christ 

Every person and situation, every experience that the Holy Spirit showed to me at the prayer, I will immerse in the Blood of Christ, saying: I immerse (name, situation, experience) … in the Precious Blood of Christ. Amen!

I’ll pray so that Mary asks for me a gr

ace of forgiveness by the power of her co-suffering with Christ and recompense for my faults towards other people

For every person that hurt me, I will ask through Mary for the grace of forgiveness, saying: Mary, by the power of your co-suffering with Christ, please obtain for me a grace of forgiving (name) … Our Lord, by Mary and in Your name, I forgive, and I bless! Amen!

For every person that I hurt, I will ask Mary for the grace of recompense, saying: Mary, by the power of your co-suffering with Christ, please obtain for me a grace of recompense for (name) … Our Lord, by Mary and in Your name, I apologise, and I bless! Amen!

Entrusting to Mary everything I cannot forgive myself 

God forgives us everything. He irrevocably blots out our sins confessed in the sacrament of Penance, but people often cannot forgive themselves for their weaknesses and falls. Mary, I entrust you … Amen!

Worshipping the Holy Trinity for a new life by the power of blessing and love 

Ultimately, from the bottom of my heart, I will worship and thank God the Father, Son of God, and the Holy Spirit for everything they have done and do in my life and in my heart. I will thank for a new life. I will ask Mary to teach me to love and bless constantly. For every person I meet in my life: May God in the Holy Trinity bless you. Amen!

This prayer may be a good form for preparing for the sacrament of Penance.

Spiritual reading 

“But how describe the gentleness of Jesus in his dealings with poor sinners: his gentleness with Mary Magdalene, his courteous solicitude in turning the Samaritan woman from her evil ways, his compassion in pardoning the adulterous woman taken in adultery, his charity in sitting down to eat with public sinners in order to win them over? Did not his enemies seize upon his great kindness as a pretext to persecute him, saying that his gentleness only encouraged others to transgress the law of Moses, and tauntingly called him the friend of sinners and publicans? With D 7 117 what kindness and concern did he not try to win over the heart of Judas who had decided to betray him, even when Jesus was washing his feet and calling him his friend! With what charity he asked God his Father to pardon his executioners, pleading their ignorance as an excuse.” 

St. Louis de Montfort, The Love of Eternal Wisdom, 125

“The patient man goes through a great and salutary purgatory when he grieves more over the malice of one who harms him than for his own injury; when he prays readily for his enemies and forgives offenses from his heart; when he does not hesitate to ask pardon of others; when he is more easily moved to pity than to anger; when he does frequent violence to himself and tries to bring the body into complete subjection to the spirit. It is better to atone for sin now and to cut away vices than to keep them for purgation in the hereafter. In truth, we deceive ourselves by our ill-advised love of the flesh.” 

Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, Book I, chapter 24, 2

Homework 

I will ask the Holy Spirit for a gift of forgiving all the people who hurt me and for a gift of recompense for everyone I hurt. 

Prayer of consecration 

I am all Yours, and all that I have is Yours, O most loving Christ, through Mary, Your most holy Mother. Amen!